Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
