Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
