My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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