I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
