Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
