Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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