I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
