Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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