don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
