a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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