a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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