New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
