I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
