you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
