No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
