i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
