he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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