She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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