It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
