how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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