After last night, I could never be a politician.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.