I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
40s are totally the cure
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.