she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong