The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
