Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
