ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
