"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
