Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize