I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
