This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
