so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
