somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
