When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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