textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
