apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
