Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
