If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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