insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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