She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
