We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
