After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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