shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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