i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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