Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
