No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
