Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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