Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
