we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
