Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
