So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
