I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
