Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
