Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
