I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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