I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
