lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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