I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize