Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
