I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
