on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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