party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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