I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
