When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
