My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Send us your Text From Last Night!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
