GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Send us your Text From Last Night!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
