i barfeds in our rink
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
