Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
