Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
