So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My hand turned me down
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt