Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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