I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
