When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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