you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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