Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall