You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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