They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
